Craps the EZ way ...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table.

A very attractive brunette comes in and wants to bet ten thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm not wearing a top." With that said she pulls off her top and rolls the dice while screaming, “Momma needs a new blouse.”

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I win - I win."

She grabs up her money and top and quickly leaves the table. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"

The other answers, "I thought you were watching!"

The Sore Winner

Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.

The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played black jack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers "hit me light or hit me hard", and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an a$$ full of quarters."

Under the Cherry Tree

A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on that trip won $100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home -- arriving back 3 a.m. He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.

"You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000 I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor. The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."

The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first."

Blonde have more Luck?

A young sexy blonde went to Las Vegas. She had been in the casino for about an hour, and realized she was thirsty. So she went to the pop machine in the hall. She put $1.00 in an a Pepsi came out, she put another $1.00 in and another Pepsi came out, she put one last $1.00 in and another Pepsi came out.

A man saw her, and he said: "What are you doing?" And the sexy blonde said: "Duh!!

Winning!!!"

What a moron!

Two friends, Harry and Potter, went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go set on the bench and wait for the other to finish.

Potter quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited some more. After what seemed an eternity, he saw Harry coming toward him carrying a huge sack of coins.

"Hey, Potter," said Harry, "how'd you do?" "Well, Harry", said Potter, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Harry, "did I ever find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! Every time you put in a buck four quarters come out!"

Made to order ...

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?"

The dealer said, "When you eat out do you tip the waiter?" ... "Yes."

"Well then, he serves you food; I'm serving you cards, so you should tip me."

"Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight!"